Who Needs A Push Present?

I was nearing the end of labor and my epidural was no longer effective towards increasingly strong and frequent contractions.  The pain was horrible and I tried to stay motivated with thoughts of snuggling my newborn son.  It was at this point that the nurse asked my husband, “You know about push presents, right?”  She went on to suggest, “I think she deserves a designer handbag and a matching wallet.”  Mr. Smith responded, in a very matter-of-fact way, “I should probably get her some new shoes too.”  The nurse seemed to accept this statement, but I knew he was being sarcastic.  My husband would likely buy me a special gift for giving birth, if he thought I was expecting one.  But he knows me better than that; a healthy baby boy is more than enough of a reward for enduring pregnancy and labor.

When did we start rewarding moms for giving birth with expensive jewelry or purses?  According to this article, the practice has a long history in England and India.  It goes on to say that the custom has been perpetuated mostly through word of mouth in America.  Women hear about their friends receiving presents and men hear about it from other fathers.  Celebrities flaunt extravagant “baby baubles.”  Then, of course, there are those women who just instruct their partners to buy them a push present.  Back in 2007, the executive editor of BabyCenter.com explained, “It’s more and more an expectation of moms these days that they deserve something for bearing the burden for nine months, getting sick, ruining their body . . .”

I guess that push presents should be an expected part of the consumerist culture, where every special occasion requires that we purchase some retail item.  We demand to be recognized for every effort with material goods.  It’s that dangerous word again: deserve (defined as “to be worthy of“).  My pregnancy was a moderately difficult one, especially towards the end.  I suffered from a condition that caused the tendons connecting my hip bones to stretch too much.  The physical symptoms included pain in my low back and shooting pains in the front of my pelvis.  The best way to describe it was feeling like a wishbone being broken in half.  Then, there was the labor.  It was relatively short, but very painful.  Finally, there are a multitude of other annoyances commensurate with pregnancy and childbirth: from nausea, sleep difficulties, and stretch marks to blood draws, IV’s, and catheters.  These pains and sacrifices are worthy of recognition, but not with something purchased at a store out of guilt or due to peer pressure.  All women who endure pregnancy deserve a healthy baby.  They deserve the love and support of family and friends as they recover and care for a newborn.

If my partner really felt compelled to spend money to reward me for giving birth, there are so many better ways to do it.  Imagine being on maternity leave, trying to make ends meet while you savor limited time with your newborn.  The credit card statement comes in the mail and there is the charge for your shiny new bauble.  You can’t pay it off right now, with the hospital charges and new expenses like diapers.  So the charge accrues interest into the future, until you adjust your budget or make sacrifices to pay it off.  Meanwhile, the diamond earrings are sitting in your jewelry box because they are too nice to wear on a daily basis.  Or, the designer purse is stored away in a closet because it’s no longer in season.  How is that a reward?  Instead, how about starting a college fund?  Or purchasing a life insurance fund for the child that they can cash in and use when they turn 18?  Either of these options would require small contributions over time as opposed to a making a large purchase.  What about something focused on mom?  A more thoughtful expenditure might be to purchase cleaning services or prepared meals.  While not frugal, they are much more practical gifts than jewelry or a silly purse.

We don’t think about it too much anymore with good healthcare in this country, but women and infants still die during childbirth.  There are many couples that can’t even get pregnant.  I may have gone through a lot before being able to hold little Trey in my arms, but he is reward enough.  Also, it’s just absurd to expect my husband to make a “sacrifice” to match my own by purchasing something.  During pregnancy and since the birth of our son, he has been taking on additional responsibilities and helping out as much as possible.  Isn’t that how it should be?  Working together as a team, instead of him compensating me for “my services” with a shiny trinket.  Also, he was amazingly supportive during labor.  I am very fortunate to have him and we’re so in love with the newest member of our family.  What else could I possibly need?