Do you reward your children by buying them toys or giving them money? A while back, I read this article that advocated for giving your children extra attention as positive reinforcement, in comparison to extrinsic rewards that reinforce materialistic tendencies. While I don’t believe good behavior needs to be expensive, bribery always seemed to be the most effective form of enticement.
It shouldn’t come as any surprise that when “parents always reward and punish kids using material things, then they are unintentionally sending the message that self-worth is centered around accumulating material goods,” (confirmed by a recent study). One of my parenting goals is to teach our children to eschew the consumerist habits of mainstream society. But is giving kids more time and attention the only alternative? Aren’t we already doing our best to be with them as much as possible?
I agree that we should try to encourage our children to be good and responsible without an expectation of receiving something in return. But it’s difficult to explain to a toddler that they should feel a sense of satisfaction from a job well done. After all, they will inevitably learn that you earn money by performing work.
I believe in the mantra of “everything in moderation.” Which is why I love Crystal Paine’s practice of having her children perform paid and non-paid chores. She explains that some cash is necessary to teach her children money-management skills, but that “we’re a team and we all need to pull our own weight for our family to function well.”
Mr. Money Mustache pays his son a “salary” consisting of “10 cents for every mile walked or biked as part of family life” (to encourage a car-free lifestyle). Then, this father will hold the money and provide 10 percent, monthly-compounding interest. He even makes up account statements for his son, who also has the option to withdraw funds for spending.
I don’t see us ever giving an allowance without strings attached. My kids will have to earn money that they receive from us. For now, we expect the children to pitch in and do small chores around the house. We also implemented the “Star Chart” to reward them for other help or special achievements. We often award a star for unprompted kindness or helpfulness. They lose stars for bad behavior. Once the board is full, they can trade in their stars for one of the prizes that they selected from the Dollar Store. There is also an option to redeem a full board of stars towards renting a movie. Finally, we explained that the two of them can combine half of a board of stars if they can agree on a movie that they both want to watch. I’m hopeful that this “budgeting” of stars will start to teach money-management skills.
As the kids get older, I plan to implement some combination of paid and non-paid chores both to teach responsibility and provide financial reward for extra effort. In addition, I can definitely see the benefit in offering a way for children to “invest” their hard-earned money to learn about savings and the power of compound interest.
Do you have any tips or tricks for reinforcement and teaching children about money?
I think that in terms of budgeting and not spending more than you earn the mantra “more is caught than taught” will continue to be my husband and my prevailing philosophy, although giving generously is something that I hope to have conversations about frequently with my kids. However, I think kids can really be encouraged on the earning side of things. Even as a young kid, my parents taught me that I could offer my services to my neighbors, and they frequently paid me to do various outdoor chores or to babysit kids or pet sit. As I got older, I grew to be comfortable telling people that I offered tennis lessons and such.
Good point! It’s important not to forget about the huge influence made by simply modeling good behavior.
I am almost 100% sure I will create a “chore chart” for my kids (that I will have, someday haha). I think it’s a great idea to tie monetary incentives to work. It teaches kids that you have to earn money, as well as the fact that the more you work the more you earn. I really like that model.
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My hubby and I are both quite diligent. It’s very important to us that our children adopt a strong work ethic as well. I’m hopeful that they will benefit both from watching us and by completing paid and non-paid chores.
We have a chore chart for them, and we expect them to do these things just because they are part of the family. But, if they are doing things above and beyond what their normal chores are, they get paid. But, we are uber cheap, and they get a dime or quarter!
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That sounds like a happy medium. I do wonder about the right amount for incentives to motivate them to do extra work.
I really like the star chart, especially that stars are removed for bad behavior. They can easily see how far they are away from getting a prize or reward, and know what they have to do to reach it. I’m not so sure about the “salary” for walking or riding a bike. That just seems wrong to me.
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That’s just Mr. Money Mustache – he really discourages using cars for convenience. What I really liked about his technique is the “banking” aspect, to demonstrate the results of saving money and accruing interest.
We pay for extra chores. Our older kids were expected to help out around the house a lot, and we didn’t pay them for much. Now we’ve gotten old and tired and when it comes to the little kids we are pushovers. I don’t really believe in the concept of rewarding kids for good behavior, but sometimes life is overwhelming and you do whatever works.
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I hear ya! My kids are usually good about helping out, but there are some of those days when they need a little extra encouragement.
We stopped paying for chores, and just encouraged our kid to do it and have fun especially when we do it together. It seems to be working so far, but not sure what it will be like when he hits his teens!!
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Thanks for stopping by! I don’t really want to pay them money, so that’s why the start chart with small prizes appeals to me. It’s visual, positive reinforcement.
I love giving my kids a way to earn money, but “Earn” is an important word there. I think it’s important to have them start them early on the principle of having to work for pay. Our kids do regular chores without pay as well, but there is always options to do something extra for change.
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The sooner they learn that hard work pays off, the better!
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This is great! I totally agree with you. I am looking forward to teaching my children how to be responsible and work hard at what they do. Always looking for great ideas like this!
Imagine what this world would be like if we all taught our children to work hard and be responsible.