We gave quite a bit of thought into whether we should add to our family again, with three fairly young children already. One of the reasons why we decided to “go for it” was the fact that my previous pregnancies have been fairly uneventful. I worked full-time until the very end and gave birth to big, healthy babies that came home with me two days later. At 30 weeks pregnant with twins, I’ve learned quite a few lessons, including that you should never, ever assume you can predict the future.
Twin pregnancy is no joke. I won’t belabor you with my many physical complaints, but will say that it’s making my singleton pregnancies pale in comparison. In retrospect, I should have known something was up when the first trimester fatigue seemed to be twice as bad as before. Then, it felt like I jumped directly to the third trimester, without enjoying the “honeymoon” phase of the second trimester. And now, the challenges that increased from week to week in prior pregnancies, seem to be increasing from day to day. This “double blessing” is forcing me to grow in new ways, and I’m not just talking about my midsection (although it is getting pretty big).
You Have To Be Ready For The Unexpected
Everyone wants to talk about whether we were shocked to find out about the twins. Well, yes, we were very shocked. I’ve been telling them all about how, in reading pregnancy books during my other pregnancies, I literally skipped over any and all sections of the books dealing with multiples. Twins do not run in our family and we (fortunately) did not require any sort of special procedures. In my mind, those were the two factors that usually correlated with twin pregnancy. Of course, if I had actually read those other sections of the books, I would have learned that your chance of twin pregnancy goes up with age (turning 35 this year) and with subsequent pregnancies (fourth pregnancy). Well . . . now I know!
We all make plans and that’s a good thing, but you need to build some flexibility into your road-map for the future. Otherwise, small deviations can feel like disasters. We thought we had it all figured out, including the decision to have one more child. We assumed that everything would be the same, we wouldn’t need anything new, and there would be no complications. Now, it seems like every day comes with a new issue to consider.
Don’t worry – we’re still planning on an early semi-retirement. However, this experience is teaching us to be a little more cautious and not to discount the value of incorporating different options in our plans.
Procrastination Is Dangerous
Twin moms tend to offer this advice about pregnancy: “You’re fine, until you’re not.” Everything is accelerated and exacerbated in twin pregnancies. The physical difficulties come on quicker, babies tend to be born sooner, and there is more potential for complications.
I suffer from chronic procrastination issues, tending to need an impending deadline to kick-start me into focusing on a given project. Now, combine this with the fact that my doctor is going to take me out of work very soon. I’m in a very bad situation right now. The time I have left is being decreased from approximately six weeks, to two weeks. There is so much that still needs to be done. Who would have thought, the thing that will finally make me face my issues with procrastination is being pregnant with twins? And I’m not even mentioning the lack of baby preparation or that we have no names picked out.
Learning To Admit Weakness
My stubborn and independent nature is being tested in a big way. I loathe admitting an inability to do things for myself. It’s nice to be catered to once in a while, but it is no fun to feel like a burden all of the time. Mr. Smith has been awesome with helping out and encouraging me to take it easy, but it’s still so frustrating to watch everyone “pick up slack” for me. I’m still working on this issue.
People Are Uncomfortable With The Abnormal
Everyone is shocked by the fact that we are going to have five children. It’s just not “normal.” They cannot understand why we decided to have a fourth child, let alone how we are possibly going to manage so many young children. I can go into long explanations of how we have such small families and always wanted to build something bigger, but they have nothing to say in response. They just don’t understand why we would stray from the standard path.
I believe that this experience is providing a bit of a preview of what is to come when we semi-retire in the near future. It’s actually an encouraging lesson. I’ve learned that I really don’t care whether people are uncomfortable with our choices. I’m gradually feeling less of a need to explain the rationale and just move on, confident that we’re making the best decisions for us.
Find Your Tribe
I love my personal finance blogger friends, but have to apologize for not being so active in our “community” recently. You need support from different types of people during different phases of your life. Lately, I’ve found myself drawn to pregnancy forums. We commiserate about the struggles, strategize about things like feeding and sleeping schedules, and share our experiences with childbirth. My blogger friends remain so supportive and I thank them for that, but right now it’s hard to just focus on personal finance.
Let It Go
I can’t do it all – no one can do it all. I tend to be proud of my ability to juggle a lot of balls, but you have to reevaluate priorities when you start dropping things.
I am usually the one who picks out clothes for the kids. Lately, I’ve surrendered to letting them pick out their own outfits in the morning. There have been some very interesting fashion statements coming out of this house! This is just one example of the little things I’ve had to let go of in the past month or so.
As the breadwinner of our home, I have always worked full-time up until delivery. This “high risk” twin pregnancy is giving me the option to go out early and collect disability. I feel insanely fortunate to be able to rest up and prepare for the birth of the twins, while collecting partial pay. I like to think of myself as pretty tough, but this pregnancy is just getting to be too much. Yes, full pay would be better for getting rid of our debt, but I need these babies to keep on growing. One of my biggest concerns right now is that they will come too early and have to spend weeks in NICU hooked up to tiny tubes and wires. Money isn’t everything.
I’m A Rockstar
While I definitely don’t feel like a Rockstar right now, everyone keeps telling me how awesome it is that I’ve continued to do so much, for so long, while carrying twins. I’m guessing it probably will feel like quite an accomplishment once the babies are here.
But, if I’m a Rockstar, then so is Mr. Smith. I would not have survived this far without all of his help and support, including midnight runs to the store for coconut cream pie.
Readers: This is how special you are: I never, ever share belly photos during pregnancy. However, this is an anonymous blog and some of you may be curious . . . so, this is what it looks like to be 30 weeks pregnant with twins. To be honest, I am absolutely terrified that there are still six to eight weeks left.
It looks like I will be wrapping things up at work in the next few weeks. Then, I hope you’ll stay tuned while we not-so-patiently wait to meet the twins!
You are a rockstar! And don’t worry about how active you are in our PF blogging community, take care of yourself and growing family!
The Green Swan recently posted…Blogging Update: The 1 Year Edition
Thank you! The support of this community means so much to me <3
You and Mr. Smith are both rockstars! Please tell people who question your decision to have 5 children to go jump in a lake. Time marches on whether you procrastinate or not. Just do your best and enjoy the anticipation of welcoming two new babies into the family.
Mrs. Groovy recently posted…The Back Door Junior IRA
Mrs. Groovy, I might steal that “jump into a lake” bit. =) Having 5 is crazy and awesome. At the same time. =)
Congrats Harmony are doing so great so far! And I’m so thankful you will have some time off before those sweet babies arrive! Totally worth it. =)
Thanks Ms. Montana! Please drop by with tips for raising a big family whenever you can.
The time off is going to be amazing. I told Mr. Smith, somewhat incredulously, that I might actually try to read a book . . . not listen to an audio book while commuting to work, but an actual, physical book, or two!!!
It was one of my mom’s favorite sayings, along with “Go take a long walk off a short pier”.
Mrs. Groovy recently posted…Is An Emergency Fund Beyond $5,000 Overkill?
You’re so sweet Mrs. Groovy <3 I'm definitely trying my best to forget about all of the "noise" and focus on the new babies.
Ditto what The Green Swan said. You, the twins, Mr. Smith and the rest of your family are more important than our PF blogging community. Do what you need to do to make this pregnancy as comfortable as possible. I also want to add that you’re more than a rockstar, you’re a “frontier woman.” You’re what makes this country great. Thanks for the update, Harmony. And thanks for the inspiration. Oh, and just one more thing. This was the best line in the post.
“There have been some very interesting fashion statements coming out of this house!”
Mr. Groovy recently posted…The Back Door Junior IRA
LOL, I should have taken some pictures of Tornado the other day – not just the clothes, but she had three huge flower pins in her hair.
I take the label of “frontier woman” as quite the complement. I’m really excited for maternity leave . . . time to enjoy these new babies along with the other kids, harvesting fresh vegetables from the garden, maybe doing a little crochet, and writing. The other stuff just really doesn’t matter to me.
Really great life lessons for anyone here, Harmony. Thanks for sharing. I’m sure I’d struggle with many of the same things you mention. Sometimes I think the same thing about our decision to having another–I’ve had such healthy pregnancies and uncomplicated deliveries. I know that nothing is guaranteed, but people who have already experienced complications might give more consideration to those possibilities. I also didn’t know those facts about twins–I must’ve skipped those sections of that baby books too!
Thanks for sharing your belly shot. You look beautiful! But I can imagine that’s getting really uncomfortable!
Kalie @ Pretend to Be Poor recently posted…The Hidden Luxuries of Camping
You’re so sweet, Kalie <3 It is definitely getting pretty uncomfortable - seems to be worse every day. But I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who skipped over those sections of the baby books!
You’re actually not the first (or even third) friend I know to be on their third, fourth, or fifth child, so I have no idea why someone would ask you “why”, but I am very interested in your strategies on how to handle having so many tiny humans running around with opinions of their own! We struggle with our one enough that we’re not prepared to face another. 🙂 Pregnancy with our first was incredibly hard for me, though I worked up til going into labor (literally!)
Do take care of yourself in this so important time – you’ve invested time and work into making sure your money will be ok for just these occasions! And the community will be here when you’re ready to come back, with two new happy healthy little ones!
Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life recently posted…Currently, and currency
Ha! As much as I’d like to try to go into this with some strategies prepped ahead of time, I have a feeling that it will definitely be more trial and error, as we attempt to survive each day.
I am doing my best to follow Dr’s orders and keep these two little ones cooking for as long as possible.
I agree with The Green Swan, you are a rock star! You need to take care of yourself first. Don’t worry about blogging, none of us are going anywhere! 🙂
Thank you for stopping by with the kind words <3
I can relate to so much of this! We never expected twins! And ours are also naturally occurring. I have to admit, I had it out a bit with God during this pregnancy wondering “why”. But, when I stop and realize how blessed I am that our 2-year-old is healthy and smart and our boys appear to be healthy and doing great (other than transverse and breech positioning). Our OB even thinks we will go to 38-40 weeks. I’m partly relieved–more time to prep and do projects. And partly disappointed–carrying twins at this point is uncomfortable and I want to meet them already!
Thanks for stopping by Nathana and best of luck to you. I’m having some positioning issues too, after Baby A being just perfect for most of the pregnancy (grrrrrrr), but who knows what will happen, right? Keep me posted 🙂