In looking back over my blog posts over the past several years, they always seem to be a bit more spread out over the summer. It makes sense, because we’re on the go more during the warmer seasons of the year, trying to fill our days with as much adventure as possible. Unfortunately, there is much more of a story behind the absence of summer posts this year.
I should have been more realistic. I should have recognized that this was the first summer that Mr. Smith would be a stay-at-home dad of five children, with me working full-time. In addition to the kids, he would also be trying to take care of our garden, gather firewood for the winter, and take care of yard work for our home, his father’s house, and the rental property. These facts should have been given much more weight when deciding on how many students I would take on for the Bar Prep summer session, the tutoring side hustle for lawyers. Instead, I just thought about maximizing our earnings in order to pay down our debts and agreed to tutor as many students as possible.
What. A. Horrible. Mistake.
I have posted about the Bar Prep side hustle. Generally speaking, it involves grading practice essays. There is one “due” every Friday from the end of May through mid-July. Many students do not follow the schedule and end up submitting essays late. The first few weeks were manageable. However, by the end, there were many students submitting several essays at a time. Most of our July was spent with Mr. Smith handling all five kids while I worked during the day, and then he continued to take care of everything while I graded essays until passing out at night. The money is helpful towards paying off our debt, but probably not worth the headaches and heartache caused by doing the work.
Mr. Smith and I were both incredibly overwhelmed and unhappy. The lack of sleep didn’t help, as the twins continued to wake up numerous times, every night. We ended up resenting each other. I envied his time with the children, while all I did was work. He envied the quiet, alone time and my opportunity to interact with other adults. It was the “grass is always greener” trap, but between husband and wife. We tried our best with the kids and did manage to enjoy some fun family time during those first few months of the summer. What suffered the most was our relationship. Things were very, very bad between us for some time.
I aspire to motivate others through this site. One of my goals is to to be an example of how much you can accomplish by making small changes in your life and focusing on the right priorities. I didn’t want to share this post about how my husband and I glanced over the precipice of ending our marriage. However, credibility is also important. I cannot share all of the accomplishments while glossing over or completely omitting our failures.
In retrospect, it’s almost like I fell back into the trap of placing too much priority on material possessions. We’ve made so much progress on our finances by focusing on the pleasure of simple things. Yet, here I was so obsessed with staying on the track to financial semi-independence and not having to work full-time anymore, that I sacrificed time with my family in the present and almost destroyed our marriage. People are always saying that they “don’t know how we do it all.” We usually laugh off these comments dismissively – most people don’t even know about all of the balls we juggle, how many plates we’re spinning. What they don’t understand and what we failed to recognize, is the inherent impossibility of handling “it all” successfully. Something is always going to suffer. The balls fall out of the air. The spinning plates shatter on the ground.
Ambition is awesome, but you have to be realistic too.
The good news is that things in the Smith household have greatly improved. August was all about healing and repair, mostly through making family and marriage our top priorities. We even skipped our planned road-trip to Maine, in favor of a more low-key staycation. We spent time catching up on life and crossing activities off of our Summer Fun To-Do List. Although I miss Maine terribly, it was exactly what we needed.
We’re back to making exciting plans for the future, but with a new focus on maintaining a realistic pace and not neglecting our relationship. I will likely continue some side hustles, but in a very selective manner, for the time-being. I also hope to return to blogging on a regular basis, to document this crazy journey. This season of our lives is very trying, largely due to having five young children. However, the twins are waddling their way (yes, they started walking!) towards becoming toddlers and Goofball and Tornado have returned to school. We just have to focus on doing our best in the present, while allowing ourselves to dream about the future.
I have missed connecting with all of my readers – please tell me about something exciting that happened for you this summer!
Sounds like quite a headache. I’m glad that it was something with only a finite timeframe and that you were then able to make a pretty easy decision about whether you’ll want to do it again in the future. Plus, you learned from it which is honestly the most important thing to take away from any regrettable decision.
Thank you! It was definitely a learning experience that I won’t soon forget.
(Oh my goodness, how fast time flies when you’re not living the day to day, I can’t believe the twins are already mobile!)
I’m glad that you shared this because the idea that you “just” have to work longer, harder, and smarter to make your way to FI is so often shared *without* talking about the sacrifices, the heartache, the mistakes and missteps we make while we juggle to balance everything. When we have families, that does come at a real cost. Those are as much a part of reality as any of the successes and arguably working through them are the reason we are successful in the end.
It helps me stay grounded knowing that it’s not a failure on my part to not shut out my family and work 16 hours a day but rather a conscious choice to do what we can and accept that we don’t want to lose connection with each other in the pursuit of FI. It’s easy to forget when everyone around you is extolling the virtues of “many income streams” and “side hustle!”
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I can’t either – it’s crazy to watch these two waddle around!
Thanks for your support. It was a very difficult summer, but I think that surviving the experience together will only make our marriage stronger. And it will definitely help us keep all of the money and hustling stuff in perspective.
Hey, you’re human. Just like the rest of us! We all make mistakes, and it’s easy to get off balance. You have each other, and you can make it work!
It’s OK to go slow.
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I had 4 boys in 5 years and ended up bringing them up on my own. Having lots of little people around is like having a tornado whirling around you from the moment they get up to when they crash into bed.
Glad that things are back to normal for you.
Thank you for your honesty. So glad to hear you took time to repair after that mistake. It can be so hard to know what is “too much” until it’s too late to turn back on a commitment. I’ve been there.
This summer I had a baby and my husband took a full month off to spend time with the big kids (who are 7 and 4.5 years older than baby). They got to do lots of summer fun, including lots I couldn’t physically do with a baby, like swimming and biking. And I read a book! It was awesome.
I hope your twins start sleeping better soon. I can’t imagine two babies waking me up all the time!
Great post. If you have three meals a day, live in a trailer, and have indoor plumbing, electricity, and an internet connection, you’ve essentially won the material game. Most of us have clearly won the material game. And, yet, we keep on playing. It’s insanity. It’s like the home team in baseball being ahead by 10 runs after the top of the ninth and demanding to take their turn at bat. When will the insanity end? Thanks for sounding the alarm, Harmony. And thanks for rededicating yourself to your blog. We need your voice. Cheers.
I’m so glad you were both able to realize what danger you were in and were able to work together to get back to where you’d like your relationship to be.
My summer was all about fun after a terrible last year. I enjoyed time with my friends and a summer fling. Everyone had a blast and no one got hurt. It was divine!
Yes this was a great learning experience, thanks for sharing your story!
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Thank you for sharing this experience! Side hustles come and go but family is here forever! Happy to see it all worked out for you in the end
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