Sending Kids To Birthday Parties Without Breaking Your Budget

Frugal parenting come with many different types of challenges. A reader and Instagram buddy reached out to me about how we pay for birthday party presents. I agree with her that dropping the kids off to be entertained for a few hours can be really nice, but is it worth the cost of all the presents?  What about when your child is invited to tons of parties?

Tanya (who posts adorable pictures of her kids and pets on Instagram) sent me the following message:

Hi there! I was browsing your site this morning and I don’t think you’re addressed this yet – but what is your approach to your kids going to friend’s birthday parties? Our daughter has SIX between now and the end of May and none of the invites have the “no gifts, please” message. I’ve picked up some $5 paperback books and having my daughter make the card, but I can’t help but feel a bit cheap?

(Even though $30 is equivalent to a meal out for us…)

Oh, and PS, I realize we could pick and choose to not go to so many, but she’s hitting the age where it’s drop-off parties and it is SO nice to have a few hours and good (free) entertainment for her.

Tanya: I completely understand why you’re struggling with this issue.  Here are a few strategies that will hopefully help you send your daughter to birthday parties without destroying your budget.

Rely On Your Powers Of Frugal Thinking

The first thing that I need to point out is, living a frugal lifestyle requires you to stop caring so much about what others may think.  I know that this is much easier said than done.  You’ve chosen to limit your spending for a reason, whether you’re trying to pay off debt or working towards a big goal like buying a new house or retiring early.  Either way, your goals are more important than the fleeting impression made by a gift at a child’s birthday party.  Try to keep things in perspective.

It’s also a good idea to think about how you feel when your daughter receives gifts at her birthday party.  She probably doesn’t really need any of those presents.  As a parent, I love when my kids receive “experience gifts,” because there just isn’t room for any more toys at our house.  While I’m not about to recommend buying a zoo membership for your child’s friends, you could pick up a small gift certificate to a local ice cream shop, and combine it with something else (see below).

Quantity

One small gift may not seem like very much.  And it’s much easier to figure out the cost (if you’re still concerned about whether others will think of you as cheap).  However, a gift bag filled with a number of small items may feel like a bigger present.  One idea that comes to mind is a “Glamour Bag” filled with all sorts of fun accessories, like nail polishes, lip gloss, hair bows, and/or a DIY jewelry kit.  You could even put it all in a small purse.

There is some neat stuff at the Dollar Store too – things like glow sticks, water squirters, and other things to play with outside.  Another option is a beach/summer bucket filled with a bunch of toys.

Create A Birthday Present Stockpile

This is my way of getting ahead on any birthday present expenses.  We use several different reward sites and apps to earn Amazon credit.  This credit usually gets spent on things like diapers and granola bars.  But we don’t pay for Prime, so there is a minimum purchase to get free shipping.  When I need to add something small to my cart, I sometimes purchase a birthday gift that would be appropriate for any gender and a range of ages.  Then, we’re all set for the next party – with no need to do the run into a store on the way to there.

Also browse through sale items and the clearance section for items to add to your birthday present supply.

Here are some examples of good birthday presents to buy ahead of time.  The first one is something that Goofball (7 years old) received for Christmas.  It kept him occupied for hours and his little sister (5 years old) was begging to help him dig out the dinosaur bones.

DIY As Much As Possible

I was so pleased to hear that Tanya has her daughter make cards for her friends.  Cards are such a waste of money!  My kids always make their own.

Try to think if you can go beyond the cards and have your kids make something to include with their gift.  I’m thinking something like a friendship bracelet (do kids still make those?) or use a few extra Lego’s to come up with a custom creation.  Adding small things can make an inexpensive primary gift not seem as cheap.

Have Your Child Contribute To The Cost

We engage in pretty open dialogue about money at our house.  The kids understand the difference between regular expenses and discretionary spending.  If any of the kids are invited to that many parties, we will have a discussion about whether they really want to go to all of those parties in the first place.  If so, I would expect them to at least do some extra chores around the house to earn money towards presents for their friends.  It might even be appropriate (depending on their age and whether they have ways to earn money) to ask them to help out with the purchase.

Do A Cost-Benefit Analysis

Tanya’s use of the word “free” in her question caught my attention.  Here’s the thing, going to birthday parties isn’t really free – the present is the price.  Your child receives a couple of hours of entertainment, maybe a meal (even if it is just pizza), treats, and often a party favor.  The parents are spending a certain amount per party guest.  Granted, their child benefits from celebrating with their friends, but I try to look at the money spent on a present as covering some of that cost.  How much would you spend on a babysitter for that amount of free time? (No, really, what is the going rate right now?  We’ve been too scared to try to do a date night again.)

In closing, I just want to say again that, I get it.  Present opening is usually a big part of a child’s birthday party.  Everyone sits and watches as each present is opened.  Comparison is inevitable.  We worry about our kids being looked down on because their gift might not be the best one, but the cost of all of those presents can add up really quick.  I hope these ideas help you find a middle ground, so your kids can attend birthday parties, without being cost prohibitive.

Honestly, we should all try to be a bit braver about discussing money.  Do you feel cheap because someone actually said something to you or just because you sense some disapproval?  Why not chat with some of these parents ahead of time about how there are so many parties?  Is there anything that their child would really like for their birthday?  And what about going in on one present from a number of kids?

Debt is an epidemic in our country right now, yet so many people feel bound by the status quo.  Let’s try to work together to figure out a better of way of doing things.

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